Lessons Learned

A friend of mine called with a cooking crisis. She said, “I’m 34 years old and you’d think I would know how to do this by now. You’re such a good cook, I bet you never have cooking disasters.”

Um. Wrong.

Everyone who cooks regularly has cooking disaster stories. You can always learn from your culinary mistakes, and some of the lessons are pretty darn funny. Here are some of the things I’ve learned:

*When you add three times the garlic called for in your sloppy joes, that first bite is a bit of a shocker.

*You can turn salmon purple by poaching it in Merlot.

*You can clean your oven by putting out an oven fire using flour. Once you’ve smothered the fire by scooping a couple of pounds of flour on top of the flames, just walk away for a few hours. Go to lunch. Go grocery shopping. When you return your oven will have cooled down, and you can shop vac the flour straight out of the oven. WAAALAAA!!! Clean oven!!

*When a skillet’s been in the oven at 400° for an hour, it makes that handle screaming hot. Literally.

*Never microwave Cool-Whip to thaw it. Ever.

*Planning for just one-third to one-half of a pound of turkey per person for Thanksgiving is not adequate. When the platter goes around and your hubby’s the last one served, he’ll be left holding an empty platter. He won’t be pleased. It’s best at that point to donate the turkey off your plate as a peace offering.