Attack of the Killer Tomato

At the 5 Ring Circus, the tomato in its natural state is one of the least-liked vegetables.  We're all fine if they're pureed or otherwise smashed almost beyond recognition, but whole tomatoes of any size?  Nada.  I don't buy 'em; I don't serve 'em.

So imagine everyone's surprise when I presented a salad at supper tonight that contained little baby grape tomatoes.  Shock.  Awe.  Gasp.  How could I?!

I explained that the salad was leftover from my volunteer extravaganza late last week, and no one was going to die from a few harmless tomatoes in the salad.  Baird stared me down, and promptly flicked a grape tomato off his salad plate, back into the serving bowl.  Gasp.  How could he?!

The kids quickly called him on his horrific table manners, and demanded that he retrieve the tomato and eat it.  He politely declined.  They called him on his double standard of making them eat whatever it is they take.  He dug in.  Suddenly, it was on like Donkey Kong as the kids tried everything they could think of to get Baird to eat the tomato.  Finally, he excused himself from the table and actually ran that tomato thru the garbage disposal in the kitchen.  The kids howled in protest as accusations of unjust tomato killing rang in the dining room.

Soon after, dinner was over and the table cleared.  Kelsey discreetly gathered up the remaining tomatoes and headed to our bedroom.  She took in the step stool.  She locked the door.  Really?  How could she?  Uh oh.  I had no idea what she was up to.  I thought there's no way this will end well.  She asked me to trust her.  Okay...

When Kelsey finished her project, she quietly returned the step stool to its spot in the back room and went to do her homework.  A few hours later, when Drew wandered into our room, he found tomatoes with angry faces drawn on them, hanging from the ceiling on strings.  There was a note on our bed.  He quickly yelled out, "Mom!  Dad!  Come quick!  You gotta see this!"

Baird read the note out loud for all of us to hear:  Mr. Shattuck, We regret to inform you that one of our own was found dead tonight.  This is unacceptable.  The garbage disposal is no place for us!  We demand a sincere apology.  Consider this your warning and know there will be consequences if we do not receive a remorseful reply.  Sincerely, the tomatoes of Oak Park.

By the time he was done reading, Baird was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes.  It was hilarious.  Baird was a great sport and praised Kelsey for her creativity.  And he still won't eat a tomato.